.... and god made man

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."

The dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."

The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."

The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

So God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren. And it is so.

One morning, a company manager discovered an unusual letter from one of his employees ?

Dear Bo$$,

A$ all of u$ have read from the new$paper$, the economy ha$ come out of the rece$$ion.

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Norman $mith
------------------------------------------
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager

In March, 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0.00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.

The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.

He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to them the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake and he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt. Finally, giving in, he thought he would beat the company at their own game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the gas company nothing at all. A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the Westpac Banking Corporation called our helpless friend and asked him what he was doing writing cheque for $0.00.

After a lengthy explanation the bank manager replied that the $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank could therefore not process ANY cheques they had received from ANY of their customers that day because the cheque for $0.00 had caused the computer to crash.

The following month the man received a letter from the gas company claiming that his cheque has bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by return mail they would be taking steps to recover the debt.

The man then tried to file a debt harassment claim against the gas company. It took him nearly 2 hours to convince the clerks that he was not joking but convince them he did. They subsequently provided statements which were considered substantive evidence of the aggravation and difficulties the man had been forced to endure during this debacle.

The matter was heard in the Magistrate's Court in Mudgee and the outcome was this: The gas company was ordered to:

1. Immediately rectify their computerised accounts system or show cause, within 10 days, why the matter should not be referred to a higher court for consideration under Company Law.
2. Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by the man.
3. Pay the bank dishonour fees incurred by all the Westpac clients whose cheques had been bounced on the day our friend's had been.
4. Pay the claimant's court costs; and
5. Pay the claimant a total of $1500 per month for the 5 month period March to July inclusive as compensation for the aggravation they had caused their client to suffer.

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people manoeuvring for one armrest in a movie theatre.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to then "illegal" side.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialling a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hair style.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
19. Your friends love you, anyway.

HOW YOU KNOW YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 1990'S

• You tried to enter your password on the microwave.
• You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."
• You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
• You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
• You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"
• Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
• You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.
• You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
• Your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your college roommate used to play.
• You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains echinacea.
• You check your blow drier to see if it's Y2K compliant.
• Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking you to send her JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
• You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home.

666 - The Mark of the Beast?

Did you know that Bill Gates' real name is William Henry Gates III? Nowadays, he is known as Bill Gates (III) where III means the order of third. So what's so eerie about this name?

Well, if you take all the letters in Bill Gates III and then convert it into ASCII code (American Standard Code for Info. Interchange)and then add up all the numbers.... you will get 666, which is the number of the beast.
B = 66
I = 73
L = 76
L = 76
G = 71
A = 65
T = 84
E = 69
S = 83
I = 1
I = 1
I = 1 Add these numbers and they equal 666. Coincidence? Perhaps.... Maybe, but take Windows 95 and do the same procedure and you will get 666 also. And even MS-DOS 6.31 adds up to 666. Still think it is coincidence? Stay with me....it gets better. For those of you who still have the old excel 95 (not office 97)try this out: (this really works)
1 - Open a new file
2 - Scroll down to row 95
3 - Click on the row 95 button to highlight the entire row
4 - Press tab to move to the second column button at the same time.
5 - Now, move your mouse and click on help at the top
6 - Then click on "about Microsoft excel"
7 - Press ctrl-alt-shift and click on the tech support

A window will appear with the title: THE HALL OF TORTURED SOULS. This is really eerie, okay! It has a doom style format and you can walk all around the hall using the arrow keys. On the sides of the walls are the names of the tortured souls....now walk up the stairs and then come back down, facing the blank wall. Now type in EXCELKFA; this will open the blank wall to reveal another secret passage, walk through the passage and do not fall off.

This is difficult to do. When you get to the end you will see something really, really eerie.

As of this point in time, countless witnesses all over the world have verified that it is a real eye opener. It could be a joke by MS programmers. Or is it? Would it be too surprising if Bill Gates was the antichrist?

After all, the bible foretold that someone powerful would rise up and lead the world to destruction. And Bill Gates definitely has this kind of power in his hands.

More than 80% of computers in the world today run on windows and DOS (including those at the Pentagon). If all of his products have some kind of small program embedded, like this "hall of tortured souls", that can give him control to set off nuclear arsenals, create havoc in security systems and financial systems all over the world, etc.

All from his headquarters. This isn't too far from reality. Just by using the Internet Explorer may just allow him to map out what you have on your computer bit by bit each time you log on. Perhaps the end of time is near and this is just the tip of the iceberg?

Quote from the Bible:

"He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name. This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number. His number is 666." Revelation 13:16-18

This is something you should think about. If the Bible, in the book of Revelations, says that without the sign of the beast, one would not be able to buy, sell, do business transactions, etc., then my question to you now is this....

Is the Internet a necessity today for doing business? The Internet also bears the sign. Note that the Internet is often referred to as the World Wide Web, or www. Another way to write W is V/ or VI.
W W W
VI VI VI
6 6 6

Here is something to ponder. Isn't everything going towards the Internet? (i.e., buying, selling, business transactions) Isn't Microsoft always on the move to have a monopoly when it comes to software technology? And now the Internet?

Revelations also says that the mark of the beast will be carved on one's hand and on one's forehead. If the Internet would indeed be the beast, aren't we all starting to carry it on our hands and foreheads?

The screen is the forehead and the hand uses the mouse.

Are things finally starting to fall into place or are we just letting our imagination run? Remember, the devil came to cheat, steal and to destroy.

So, be vigilant about Bill Gates and Microsoft! Coincidence? Perhaps....