[
Cancer Prevention |
Canned foods & rats |
Car for Sale |
The Carpenter |
Cat in Heaven |
The Cat |
Caught in the Act |
Cell Phone |
Cellular Telephones |
Changing a Light Bulb |
Checkout |
Children |
Chocolate |
Cinderella Story |
Coca-Cola |
Cocoon |
The Cock |
Coffee Bean |
Coin Coin |
Collected Sayings |
Comic |
Communication Breakdown |
Computer |
Conversation over dinner |
Corporate Bias? |
Creation of the Computer |
Cyberlife ]
Not all cancers are the same. 1/3 is curable. 1/3 is preventable. 2 factors of cancer that cannot be controlled are AGE & FAMILY HISTORY.
CAUSES OF CANCER
EXERCISE AND BE FIT
Have a balanced lifestyle. Exercise regularly.
F: Frequency: 3 to 5 times a week
I: Intensity: Exercise till we sweat and breath deeply
T: Types of exercises: Find one that suits our age, lifestyle,
HAVE REGULAR CHECK-UP
Once we reach the age of 45 & above, it is recommended that we go for regular comprehensive health examination. Early detection may save lives.
This is for us to take note of canned goods and drinks before consuming:-
JULY 1999 True Story
A stock clerk was sent to clean up a storeroom at their Maui, Hawaii location. When he got back, he was complaining that the storeroom was really filthy, and that he had noticed dried mouse or rat droppings in some areas.
A couple of days later, he started feeling like he was coming down with stomach flu, achy joints, headache, and he started throwing up. He went to bed and never really got up. Within two days he was so ill and weak.
His blood sugar count was down to 66 and his face and eyeballs were yellow. He was rushed to the emergency room at Pali Momi, where they said he was suffering from massive organ failure! He died shortly before midnight.
None of us would have ever made the connection between his job and his death, but the doctors specifically asked if he had been in a warehouse or exposed to dried rat or mouse droppings at any time. They said there is a virus (much like Hanta virus) that lives in dried rat and mouse droppings.
Once dried, these droppings are like dust, and can easily be ingested if a person is not careful to wash their hands and face thoroughly, or wear protective gear. An autopsy was conducted to verify the doctors' suspicions.
This is why it is extremely important to ALWAYS carefully rinse off the tops of any canned sodas or foods, and wipe off pasta packaging, cereal boxes, etc.
Almost everything you buy in a supermarket was stored in a warehouse at one time or another, and stores themselves often have rodents. Most of us remember to wash vegetables and fruit but never think of boxes and cans. The ugly truth is... even the most modern, upper-class, super store has rats and mice. And their Warehouse most assuredly does!
Whenever you buy any canned soft drink, please make sure that you wash the top with running water and soap, or if not available, drink with a straw.
A brief investigation by the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta of soda cans discovered that the top of soda cans can be encrusted with dried rat's urine which is toxic and lethal! Canned drinks and other foodstuffs are stored in warehouses and containers that are usually infested with rodents and then get transported to the retail outlets without being properly cleaned.
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work.
He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career. When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
The carpenter was shocked! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.
So it is with us. You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. We build our lives, a day at a time, Often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow.
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the wife goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi, hon," he says, "how do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand, though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at K-Mart?"
German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 metres down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fibre net.
Irish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 metres underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.
Q. How many senior managers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. We've formed a task force to study the problem of why
light bulbs burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we
as managers can do to make the light bulbs work smarter,
not harder.
Q. How many Help Desk people does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. PC Repair has received your mail concerning your hardware
problem and has assigned your request Service Order
Number 39712. Please use this number for any future
reference to this case of trouble. As soon as a
technician becomes available, you will be contacted.
Q. How many support staff people does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems
to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system
you have? OK. Just exactly how dark is it? OK. There
could be four or five things wrong. Have you tried the
light switch?
Q. How many integration testers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. We just find the problem. We don't fix them.
Q. How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The light bulb works fine on the systems in all other
offices. Why would YOURS not work?
Q. How many software engineers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. That's a hardware problem.
Q. How many hardware engineers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. Tell software to code around it.
Q. How many contract programmers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. Two. One always quits in the middle of the project.
Q. How many help desk techs does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. I think that's a device driver problem.
Q. How many Windows programmers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A. 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write
WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write
WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
Q. How many C++ programmer's does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed
light bulb object would inherit a change method from a
generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send
it a bulb change message.
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry, and was not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time."
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!"
God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did to!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
ADVICE FOR THE DAY!
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, TAKE THE ADVICE ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"
THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"
The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good,wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish: "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.
Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy God Mother". The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart wish for your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again" At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul.
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more wish, what shall you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful, and handsome young man".
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke: "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having me desexed now, don't you?"
Just when you thought you knew it all:
To clean a toilet:
Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl. Let sit for one hour,
then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous
china.
To remove rust spots from Chrome car bumpers :
rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds wrap aluminum foil
dipped in Coca-Cola
To clean corrosion from car battery terminals:
Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the
corrosion.
To loosen a rusted bolt :
Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-cola to the rusted bolt for several
minutes.
To bake a moist Ham:
Empty a can of Coca-cola into the baking pan: wrap the ham in aluminum
foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is done, remove the
foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptous gravy.
To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent and run thru a regular cycle. Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
It will also clean road haze from your windshield. AND WE DRINK THIS STUFF!
FYI: The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It's pH is 2.8. It will disolve a nail in about 4 days.
To carry Coca-cola syrup (the concentrate) a commercial truck must use the HazMat (hazardous material) placards reserved for highly corrosive materials. The distributers of Coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Drink up!
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If we went through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
When you are under pressure and stress, remember that you will be a better person after you have gone through it.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.
She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.
She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see? "Carrots, eggs,and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- BOILING WATER -- but each reacted differently.The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
"Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity? ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?
A woman went to see her solicitor about a divorce. "Well," said the lawyer, "what are your grounds?"
"Oh, very nice," said the client, "we have an acre and a half, lovely landscaping..."
"No," said the lawyer, "that's not what I meant.
For instance - do you have a grudge?"
"Not really," replied the client, "but we do have a very nice carport, takes two big cars..."
"Madam, you fail to understand me," persisted the solicitor.
"Let me give you an example - does he beat you up?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, "he's up first every morning, brings me a cup of tea in bed."
"NO!" roared the solicitor. "This isn't what I'm getting at!
Let me just ask you, madam, plain and simple - why do you want a divorce?"
"Well," said the client, "we just can't seem to communicate any more."
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she'd described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.
Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.
One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.
HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain.
HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal.
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.
HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.
HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.
HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.
The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticised HER.
She'll be very upset.
HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?
HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.
HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?
HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.
YOU WAKE up late, wondering why the alarm didn't go off. After all, you programmed your alarm to dial up the Atomic Clock during the night and set your alarm within a nanosecond of the proper time. Isn't technology wonderful? Unfortunately, the connection crashed your alarm, and not only does it just keep blinking 12:00-12:00-12:00, but all the DJs on the radio stations are muttering nonsense syllables. You reboot the clock and head to the shower.
Ah, the water's hot, the water pressure is strong. You have a good connection this morning. Lucky you. In the middle of lathering your head, however, the shower head goes dry, and the indicator reads: "BROKEN PIPE. TRY AGAIN LATER."
Well, it happens. You sit on the edge of the tub and turn the tap on and off until the water starts again. It comes out slow and cold. Of course! This is the time of day when everyone in the time zone is hitting the showers. Slows everything down.
You go to fetch the newspaper from the verandah. It's thick today. But a couple of pictures are missing from the front page, with little question-mark icons where there should be a picture of a car wreck -- but hey, that happens. When you turn the page, it takes one minute for the words to appear. While you wait for the paper to become legible, turn on the TV and catch the news.
The TV has fancy plug-ins that enable it to display words, pictures and video -- imagine that! There's a RealAudio WebCast on flooding conditions in your neighbourhood, so you pay particular attention. Unfortunately, too many people are trying to watch the same program, so the audio's a little sketchy.
". . . -lood -ater SKRCRR eaded toward SKRCHRR esidents advised to evacuatSKRCHRCHC efore certain deat SKROSSSH orrible loss of. . . "
Hmm. Doesn't sound good. Maybe you'd better catch a cab for work before the disaster strikes. On the way outside, you remember that you have to mail a letter; it absolutely has to have today's postmark. Hmmm. The mailman is slumped on the ground unconscious. The mail slot is welded shut. A little sign says, "Mail is currently unavailable; try again in 15 minutes."
The cab ride is speedy, but the driver keeps telling you that your address is not valid. You keep repeating the address: day.work.office/cubicle/mychair.html, NOT cubicle.mychair. Eventually he gets it. Stupid driver. He tells you to go to hell/sulferouspit.com.
After a productive morning working with pen and paper, it's time for lunch. Perhaps you should try America Out to Lunch -- a fabulous restaurant with food from every culture on earth, and AOL has an all-you-can-eat buffet for $19.95. Why not give it a try? After all, you've already paid for it. They sent you dozens of free menus until you signed up, and since they're charging your credit card, you might as well have a bite.
There are 300,000 inside the cafe, and thousands waiting to go in. After you bang on the door for 10 minutes, it creaks open. You give the maitre d' your password. WELCOME! He says. YOU'VE GOT MAIL! (You still have the letter in your hand; all the mailboxes are still welded shut.) You step up to the buffet.
Just as you have loaded your plate with a delicious repast and are ready to download the food into your stomach, a bouncer appears, grabs you by the back of your jacket and hurls you outside. A handbill flutters beside you. "For some reason," it says, "you have been thrown out of the restaurant. If this problem persists, please call Customer Relations, and listen to some nice on-hold music for 40 minutes." Yet there's a man on the corner handing out free menus to the restaurant. You're still hungry.
Later you read in the paper that the restaurant is adding tables as fast as they can, and as long as you don't intend to eat for the next few weeks, you'll be fine.
That night, you recount the day's frustrations, and wonder when enough things will work enough times to make the day feel easy and seamless. Well, that's the future, and the future's not available. That's what makes it the future. All you can do now is dream. You close your eyes, initialise your id and prepare to handshake with your subconscious.
Three hours later, you're still staring at the ceiling, waiting for dreams. The busy signal is starting to sound like a lullaby.
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